Why do "good girls" end up dating "bad boys?"

It was a gorgeous evening, about 6:45pm and I was famished. so i decided to prepare something to put into my pot belly. As I was preparing my dinner, I looked out of the kitchen window and saw this young innocent looking lady walk into the compound. Wanted to be sure what she was up to, I stayed back in the kitchen like a hunter waiting for the right time to strike and watched as she reached for her phone and made a call. Since I wasn’t sure who she had just called, I approached her and asked, “Who do you want to see please? Erm… Sorry, good evening”  “I’m here to see John (Not real name)” … she replied “we just spoke and he said he’s on his way.” Her voice was so sweet and calm.  “Oh ok…Make yourself comfortable then” I said. 

Knowing John to be a player, I concluded that she must be one of his numerous girlfriends who perhaps had fallen for his lies, only for me to find out later that she was actually not his “No. 7” but “No. 1.” After about 15 minutes of waiting, John showed up and they both went inside. Well, I ate, read a little and called it a day. The morning after that night, I was in my room reading when suddenly I heard her screaming “Kill me! Kill me!! Kill me John!!!”  Together with other corpers, we rushed to John’s room to see what it was that made her scream incessantly. On getting there, we found her on the floor half naked with bruises all over her face. He had abused her physically.

To our greatest surprise, he threw her hand bag and her bra outside, and forced her to leave… she kept forcing her way into the room and didn’t want to leave as she said these words repeatedly, “I still love you john please don’t do this to me… I’m nothing without you in my life.” It was such an emotional moment I guess. Judging by what went down, one would say that’s it… it’s over between them.  Well sorry! The reversal was the case. She left and came back 4 days later begging that they get back together. Oh Yes! She did come back to beg.

This particular incident made me wonder how many ladies out there are trapped in an abusive relationship. A part of them wants to come out, but another part whispers to them “love is patient… you can change him if you can endure the abuse.”  Really? I strongly feel the problem happens when “sincere good ladies” ignore the “good guys” and pursue relationships with men known as “bad boys.” Worse, some ladies find themselves unable to break from an attraction to men of ill repute. “Good guys” are often perceived as boring while “bad boys” are perceived as “adventurous.” While “bad boys” may be fun, you must know that the party never lasts. Since this situation is more widespread than many realize, let’s examine why this phenomenon occurs. First how do you define a “bad boy?”

 Now, by all standards, John is someone I would refer to as bad boy; A bad boy because he smokes and drinks excessively? Maybe not.  A bad boy because he has a tattoo on his neck and left arm? Far from that.  A bad boy because he wears ear rings and carries dread locks? Definitely not. Who then is a bad boy?

 A bad boy is a man who abuses a woman physically, emotionally and psychologically. He makes her feel worthless and demands from her what he’s unwilling to give. A bad boy is someone without a vision, dream and a sense of purpose. A bad boy is someone who lacks character. A bad boy is someone who is too immature and preoccupied with himself to share genuine compassion, concern or acceptance. A bad boy would rather be possessive than be protective of his woman. A bad boy cheats on his woman

What amazes the most is when a “good girl” views a bad boy as a “project “or someone whom she feels can “fix.” This incident occurs when a lady acknowledges that her boyfriend has character flaws yet believes she can change him.  

The fallacy of this belief is that it is impossible to change a “bad boy.” He may fake integrity over the short term, but a “bad boy” will only mature when he makes the decision himself. All too often, a “good girl” reasons that a “bad boy’s “character will not harm her. Sadly, the “good girl” is usually the person who winds up suffering the most hurt. She hangs unto the relationship thinking her sacrifice will change him. Months later, his abusive behavior destroys her self-esteem, makes her feel next to nothing, and drains the life out of her.

I understand that if a girl/woman was abused or ignored by her father, she may not know how to identify character or real love. Worse, she may subconsciously think that her past pain can be erased by being in a relationship with a “bad boy” and making everything work out right 

 Now here is the mathematical question: why go through the stress of trying to change a “bad boy” into a “good guy” when there is a “good guy” out there who loves respects and adores you?

So what do you think guys? Why do some “good ladies” end up dating “bad guys” even though they know the consequences involved? Please share your opinion in the comment box below

Gracias

Huntly Anabs

Twitter:@huntlya