Monday, 25 March 2013

Should age be a barrier in a relationship?

A conversation I had with a close friend of mine (Florence Young--- inspired me to write this piece. We spoke about a whole lot but for the purpose of not making this article too lengthy, I’m just going to focus on the most important point which you’ll find out as you read on

I consider this topic to be an interesting and multifaceted one. As we all know, relationship involves a whole lot and just like every other quality, age plays a major role in any relationship. Going by the popular cliché “age is just a number,” it’s easy for one to be subjective in their judgment when choosing or settling down with a partner. It is no news that most relationships smother because of poor communication which eventually gives birth to lack of understanding between both partners. This usually is due to the fact that one person is more advanced in reasoning than the other which makes it next to impossible for both partners to get along.

Now, to a very large extent, I believe age has little to do with a person’s level of maturity. Although sometimes, our definition of maturity lacks accuracy and so we write off of a person just because s/he doesn’t fit into our own definition. For instance, some people tell me I think like a 35 year old even though I am just in my mid 20’s while some others tell me I think like a 12 year old.  You get the gist? So, Depending on our personality, we have certain qualities we look out for in the people we hope to date and if those qualities are found missing in them, it becomes next to impossible for them to have our heart.

Having said this, why then do people give up on the one person they love just because s/he is either younger or older than they are?  Why do some ladies prefer to go through emotional pain rather than date someone their junior?  I have seen both guys and ladies suffer in silence just because the one person they love doesn’t fall within their age range; It’s either the person is younger than they are, of same age, or by far older.  So, instead of focusing on the things that bind them together, they focus on the one thing (Age difference) that divides them.

Since ladies mature physically and mentally earlier than guys, they tend to look out for the older boys. The belief is that an older guy understands how a lady is wired and so can handle her even with all her drama as opposed to the younger guy who’s assumed to be rather naïve. While this belief may be true, it is imperative ladies know that not every “older guy” is a grown up. Sometimes, a younger guy is by far a grown up than the older guy. The belief that a man must be older than a woman goes back to when women were married at an early age, often 16, and men their own age couldn't support them. Well, this is 2013. I don’t know if ladies still marry at that tender age anymore.

I, for one, don’t fully support choosing a partner based on age difference (who’s older and who’s not), Important factors in choosing a partner are, how compatible you are in your basic ideas of life and whether you both are able to show understanding , flexibility, patience, acceptance, love and respect to each other in the relationship. However, the age gap between both partners shouldn’t be much so one partner doesn’t get to treat the other like a parent, uncle, aunt, or a child.

To conclude this piece, please allow me share with you a true life story:

I use to know a lady who met this young gentle man on the plane flying from Calabar to Lagos state (both cities in Nigeria). As luck would have it, they were seat mates for the 45 min they were 39000 feet above ground level. As most of us guys do when we sit or stand beside a gorgeous lady, this young gentle man broached a conversation and as they spoke, the lady was quite impressed with his level of maturity, composure and eloquence. They landed safely, got off the plane, proceeded to the terminal, and of course they exchanged contacts. You don’t expect it to end there right? Do you?

Fast forward a few days later, he made the first call, and that first call became the seed which eventually produced a harvest of endless telephone conversations for a period of 2 months until they decided to meet up somewhere. Now, for each time they spoke over the phone prior to their meeting, she was always mesmerized by this his level of maturity. There was this connection that existed between them. ” Quoting her, “I am yet to meet a guy as mature as Femi.” Really? I guess that’s what love can make anyone say.

Long story short, holding a ring, he said those 4 letter words “will you marry me?” and she replied with those 5 letter words “Yes, I will marry you” awwwwww... *Teary eyes* … LOL… You know these days’ ladies hardly turn down proposals.  #just saying.  Anyways, they courted for a year and seven months until one day she found out that Femi was 2 years her junior. Having discovered that she was older than Femi, she broke up with him and decided to put behind her everything they’ve ever shared.  She came home crying to my aunt that she still loves Femi but can’t be with him because of their age difference. I don’t know how many guys or ladies support her decision, but I think it’s ridiculous of her to have called off her relationship with Femi simply because of their age difference.

In your thoughts, just before you place that comment? I would like you to pause and think for a moment, what actually is love? Would you have fallen in love with him if you knew his age in the first place? Arguably, Age is correctly judged by behaviour, disposition and the thought pattern of an individual... If you didn't know his/her age, yet you fell in love and at some point you found out about her age and want to pull out, then something is definitely missing. For you to have fallen in love and experienced bliss in the relationship means he's just the right age for you. This is my final thought pattern as regards this issue, let's read yours.
I would like to know your stand on this topic. As a guy, can you date a lady that’s older than you and as a lady can you date a guy you are older than? Should age really be a barrier in a relationship?

Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.
Thanks for always taking out of your time to read. I appreciate you.
Huntly Anabs


Anonymous said...

It shouldn't be a barrier.
Maturity (the person's approach to life's issues) should be key.

To answer your question, I could have fallen for him irrespective of his age but it'll definitely be one of the first things I'll know before the relationship starts. How can u go dat long and not knw ur partner's age??? Her withdrawal from d rship was definitely uncalled for.

- Ms FT

chuks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

for me i can't date a guy that is younger than me. whatever it is, girls age faster than guys....talking of much later in the future. so lets say 10 yrs to come d lady would be like the guy's mum. that's my sole opinion.
but then there was a certain guy i met who was older and blew my mind away and i also once met someone in my age limit that blew my mind away, and there is also a chance i would meet someone younger that would blow my mind away. i'm yet to see one tho.

the truth is guys never mature and whoever it is you like then so be it.if you fall in love with a younger guy then so be it.

chuks said...

You can see a lady on her early or late forties, professing that you in love with her, either the guy is after something called the unknown (infatuation).

For ladies, is not really applicable because of there nature in growth/development whether the man is older or younger as the case may look like. Ideally Every man wants to marry a woman that looks younger everyday for him, am not saying she wouldn't grow old don't dispute me. We should be reasonable in the choice we make, than to live regretting it overtime.

Anonymous said...

HmMmmm for me dating some1 a guy am older than is a big NO. I dated a guy who I ws a year older dan unknowingly but wen I got 2 know it ended gradually. Now am dating a guy 10yrs older than me. And I love it that way.cus am very concerned with this Age hing in my relationship

Anonymous said...


When we talk about age as a barrier in relationships, we cannot generalize. In relationships, there is really no right or wrong. It's solely the choice of those involved.
I personally do not desire to date someone younger or same age as me neither do i desire to date someone who is way older than I am. I have my reasons which i would not disclose.

Age is an important factor in life generally. Thats why you expect that at a certain age, one should have done some things. If age weren't important to us, we wouldn't have cause to celebrate birthdays and many other things.

One's age reflects onestate of mind whether it's obvious or not. Things are changing fast now. Dating someone who is in same age cycle helps you to agree better, have fun and grow together, especially when kids are involved. Dating someone 10 years or more older would cause a lot of glitch simply cux, there are certain ways i would see things that might be strange to him.
All said, as much as age is important, it's not as primary as the persons spiritual standing. Take care of the primary and most important things and then you would have less to worry about age.

One last thing i have met a couple who are about the same age and i can tell you their MARRIAGE is's what you make out of it.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion it all depends on the persons involved. R/ship. is a two way thing that demands real time understanding @ evry phase. Age might not be a factor during the preliminary stages of the r/ship. but as soon as it crosses to another stage the age factor can surface. This is were maturity & the real objective of d r/ship. comes in. If both parties are unable to grasp the objectives, the bottom line is the r/ship. will spontaneously fade-off. "Love" is the language that evry. heart speaks, it cuts across age, ethnic, religion etc. Once GOD helps you to identify a genuine one, pls. don't hesitate. Nice piece comrade Huntly. Cheers!! From: Yomi.

Anonymous said...

Age shouldn't be a barrier, most people tend to go for what they want not what they need, and the result not always positive. some that truly loves you will love you for who you are not how you look.

olufunlayo Ojo said...

Age doesnt count for me. Maturity does.

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