Should age be a barrier in a relationship?

A conversation I had with a close friend of mine (Florence Young--- http://fowocare.wordpress.com) inspired me to write this piece. We spoke about a whole lot but for the purpose of not making this article too lengthy, I’m just going to focus on the most important point which you’ll find out as you read on

I consider this topic to be an interesting and multifaceted one. As we all know, relationship involves a whole lot and just like every other quality, age plays a major role in any relationship. Going by the popular cliché “age is just a number,” it’s easy for one to be subjective in their judgment when choosing or settling down with a partner. It is no news that most relationships smother because of poor communication which eventually gives birth to lack of understanding between both partners. This usually is due to the fact that one person is more advanced in reasoning than the other which makes it next to impossible for both partners to get along.

Now, to a very large extent, I believe age has little to do with a person’s level of maturity. Although sometimes, our definition of maturity lacks accuracy and so we write off of a person just because s/he doesn’t fit into our own definition. For instance, some people tell me I think like a 35 year old even though I am just in my mid 20’s while some others tell me I think like a 12 year old.  You get the gist? So, Depending on our personality, we have certain qualities we look out for in the people we hope to date and if those qualities are found missing in them, it becomes next to impossible for them to have our heart.

Having said this, why then do people give up on the one person they love just because s/he is either younger or older than they are?  Why do some ladies prefer to go through emotional pain rather than date someone their junior?  I have seen both guys and ladies suffer in silence just because the one person they love doesn’t fall within their age range; It’s either the person is younger than they are, of same age, or by far older.  So, instead of focusing on the things that bind them together, they focus on the one thing (Age difference) that divides them.

Since ladies mature physically and mentally earlier than guys, they tend to look out for the older boys. The belief is that an older guy understands how a lady is wired and so can handle her even with all her drama as opposed to the younger guy who’s assumed to be rather naïve. While this belief may be true, it is imperative ladies know that not every “older guy” is a grown up. Sometimes, a younger guy is by far a grown up than the older guy. The belief that a man must be older than a woman goes back to when women were married at an early age, often 16, and men their own age couldn't support them. Well, this is 2013. I don’t know if ladies still marry at that tender age anymore.

I, for one, don’t fully support choosing a partner based on age difference (who’s older and who’s not), Important factors in choosing a partner are, how compatible you are in your basic ideas of life and whether you both are able to show understanding , flexibility, patience, acceptance, love and respect to each other in the relationship. However, the age gap between both partners shouldn’t be much so one partner doesn’t get to treat the other like a parent, uncle, aunt, or a child.

To conclude this piece, please allow me share with you a true life story:

I use to know a lady who met this young gentle man on the plane flying from Calabar to Lagos state (both cities in Nigeria). As luck would have it, they were seat mates for the 45 min they were 39000 feet above ground level. As most of us guys do when we sit or stand beside a gorgeous lady, this young gentle man broached a conversation and as they spoke, the lady was quite impressed with his level of maturity, composure and eloquence. They landed safely, got off the plane, proceeded to the terminal, and of course they exchanged contacts. You don’t expect it to end there right? Do you?

Fast forward a few days later, he made the first call, and that first call became the seed which eventually produced a harvest of endless telephone conversations for a period of 2 months until they decided to meet up somewhere. Now, for each time they spoke over the phone prior to their meeting, she was always mesmerized by this his level of maturity. There was this connection that existed between them. ” Quoting her, “I am yet to meet a guy as mature as Femi.” Really? I guess that’s what love can make anyone say.

Long story short, holding a ring, he said those 4 letter words “will you marry me?” and she replied with those 5 letter words “Yes, I will marry you” awwwwww... *Teary eyes* … LOL… You know these days’ ladies hardly turn down proposals.  #just saying.  Anyways, they courted for a year and seven months until one day she found out that Femi was 2 years her junior. Having discovered that she was older than Femi, she broke up with him and decided to put behind her everything they’ve ever shared.  She came home crying to my aunt that she still loves Femi but can’t be with him because of their age difference. I don’t know how many guys or ladies support her decision, but I think it’s ridiculous of her to have called off her relationship with Femi simply because of their age difference.

In your thoughts, just before you place that comment? I would like you to pause and think for a moment, what actually is love? Would you have fallen in love with him if you knew his age in the first place? Arguably, Age is correctly judged by behaviour, disposition and the thought pattern of an individual... If you didn't know his/her age, yet you fell in love and at some point you found out about her age and want to pull out, then something is definitely missing. For you to have fallen in love and experienced bliss in the relationship means he's just the right age for you. This is my final thought pattern as regards this issue, let's read yours.

I would like to know your stand on this topic. As a guy, can you date a lady that’s older than you and as a lady can you date a guy you are older than? Should age really be a barrier in a relationship?

Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.

Thanks for always taking out of your time to read. I appreciate you.

Gracias

Huntly Anabs

Twitter:@huntlya