Monday, 3 September 2012

How do i forgive my uncle for raping me?

Dear Huntlya,

I have been reading your posts and I must say you are really doing a great job. I find your articles really inspiring and touching. I’m glad you have on your blog an environment where people can discuss with others their challenges. Such a good and bold step you’ve taken.

When I was 15 years old, I was raped by uncle and he was the first man that slept with me; meaning he deflowered me. Not until 2 months after did I realize that I was pregnant. During those periods, I always saw my period and so it was difficult for me to know I was pregnant. To cut the long story short, the baby died in my womb without me knowing and it took about 1 month for me to know I was carrying a dead baby because of the incessant pain I had on the left side of my stomach.

The doctors operated me and brought out the dead baby. Till date, no one in my family knows it was my uncle that raped me and got me pregnant. I cursed him after that and each time he tried to call me I ignore his calls. It has been very difficult for me since then to let go of that experience.  I want to forgive him, but each time I think of that experience I hate him all the more. I really want to forgive him but don’t know how to go about it.
How do I forgive someone who has caused me that much pain? Please I really really need your comments. I’m desperate



Miss Debbie said...

First of all, pull your hand brakes on desperate missy unless it hasn't occured to you that it was out of a desperate act to satisfy his sexual urge that your uncle did the terrible thing that he did to you. Never ever let anyone or anything make you desperate. Your destiny has been perfectly written out by the Almighty Creator, what will be will be and everythin that happens to us in life happens for a good reason...
I know its hard to hear and a part of you has been screaming why me. Let me tell this clearly incase no one has ever told you especially in reference to what happened to you "You are a Winner&I am so proud of you". You might also be wondering why I would say so. Well I am not washing you but do you know that there are a lot of people out there who have been through the same experience or even less and they have decided to take their own lives? You might never have realised it but you are a strong symbol of hope to other people who have been through what you've gone through and they still are still living their lives. Keep your head up, follow your dreams and I can assure you that the low points in your life will make u appreciate the high peaks that you will soon achieve.

The second thing I'll try to address is actually based on your question about forgiveness. It all depends on what forgiving means to you. Does forgiving your uncle mean you'd forget what he did to you? Can you forgive him without finding out why he did what he did to you (for closure)? Babes human beings don't forget even if its not in the fore front of your mind, your subconscious remembers everything. This is why if forgiving means forgetting its impossible to forgive anyone that has hurt us in any way (big/small).

However, (all hope isn't lost) there is another means that can bring you peace within yourself and your past if I might guess that that is what you seek and my dear that is through Understanding...What is there to understand right? your uncle is a *insert appropriate word (e.g Asshole)* for doing what he did to you & no reason will ever justify what he did as the right thing to do. But babes for your own sake I would like you to understand that such people who hurt us especially those who do it intentionally deserve our pity n prayers.

Why? Because most times somewhere in their past they have been through something (maybe even the same experience) that made them so sick n twisted (u cud even say "desperate") to the point where he/she would feel the only way they could express their pain is to make someone else feel pain.

I don't know your uncle, but I wish someone cared about him enough to notice he has gone off the rails and somehow convinced himself that raping you is the only way to satisfy his sexual desires which you and I know is a lie. He cud pay for sex or meet someone he liked and could give him love.

Sometimes you just have to look at people that do bad the way you would look at a small child who doesn't know any better rather than put yourself through the nightmare of trying to think why would someone you should be looking up to or anyone you trust fall your hand like that.

I say let go of the past dear, if the poor asshole ever tries to reach you again tell him you don't know what made him feel his only option was to bring himself so low as to do what he did to you but you are sorry no one was there for him to help him before it was too late.

You my dear sister on the other hand, you are lucky to have people that care about you and even strangers that are willing to help you through this. You are a blessing every breath you take and because of you so many lives will be changed for the better. Never Ever forget that.

All my love.
Miss Debbie

Freda Addo said...

I really don't have much to say but I just had to say something because I really feel your pain. Life is too short to let an uncles sexual urge hold you back. God has greater plans for your life and as long as you are still busy hating your uncle, you will never be totally committed to him. I can only imagine how hard it must be and I know it will seem like its easier for we strangers to talk because we can never truly feel how you feel but imagine you are also a bystander in this... What would you say to the hurting girl? Whatever you do say is your response to yourself.
Remain blesses and I know God will see you through!

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