Monday, 3 June 2013

The Lady Bitch

I wasn’t so sure if I was going to go back the same way I had left home. Done shopping, I decided to treat myself to a cup of ice cream and so, instead of exiting the building at once, I stopped by the ice cream section where I met this “hot” lady who had my head spinning like a wheel. I could see as she gazed at me that, perhaps, she was swept off her feet by my dapper appearance.

I thought I’d take a chance, so like most guys would, I bought my cup of ice cream, walked up to her table, and asked, “Can I join you please?” “Sure,” she retorted. Sitting there, I wasn’t going to pretend as though I was blinded to her seductiveness… I sure wasn’t. I’m human you know…Just like a photographer would capture a moment with his camera, my eyes/mind captured her every moves and so, just in an instant, I knew what kind of conversation would excite her. I guess blending in happens to be one of my many gifts.

So I kicked off, “Tell me about yourself…I mean… what excites you… what do you do?  Are you a student…? Bla blab la…” And she goes “I’m just a bitch who loves exploring life….. I’m sure you can tell by my looks. And yes, I love flirting with guys!”

“Wow!!!... So you call yourself a bitch?” I asked sarcastically. “Interesting… so… what makes you call yourself a bitch?” Her response went something like this: “I’m a bitch because I smoke; drink, party, and have sex with guys I admire not for money, but for the fun of it.”

I paused for a moment as I imagined how in the world a lady gets to the point where she sees or thinks of herself as a bitch. I had heard people use the pejorative term “bitch” but I didn’t know what it meant until that day I checked it in the dictionary.  A Bitch according to the Encarta Dictionary is, “A female dog, or the female of another related such as a fox, or of another carnivore such as a ferret.”

Maybe I’m missing something, and I stand to be corrected, but I tried to see if I could find the connection between a “bitch” and the ladies who call themselves bitches, but I couldn’t; A female dog and a lady? *Confused face* So why then do some ladies call themselves bitches and/or allow guys call them bitches? Could it be that they want to just fit in with the popular crowd or that they find pleasure in being “bad”?  It seems to me that the bad guy/girl swag is what’s in vogue.

And so, a lady sees herself as a bitch just because she has slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry or because she smokes and drink. But isn’t it usually her vulnerability or insecurity that brings her to the point where she condescends so low to accepting the name “BITCH?” I’m really curious.

Maybe I should digress a little. It has been said that, ‘Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing’. If that’s true, then one of these splendors should be directed inward. While we value and validate the worth of others, we must also take the time to affirm our own sense of personhood. It’s virtually impossible to get people to call us by a name we do not call ourselves. We actually train others on how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. They need to hear us sing our song and hum to our own solo. They watch from a distance, our level of style and class, and our preferences. And it is what they see in us that determines how they relate to us.

Now, it’s easy for us to crucify people whose flaws and frailties are glaring, especially when we don’t know what got them into the mess they are in. I believe one of the ironies of life is that people will ignore your good traits and label you bad over something you didn’t get right. More unfortunate is when people dump their opinion of themselves and accept what others say they are; they measure themselves based on what they do and not on who they really are. And because the pressure keeps mounting and no one understands their pain…next thing you know: “I’m a bitch,”  “and that’s who I am because people call me one”.

I believe many ladies find it difficult to appreciate/value themselves not because they don’t want to but because society puts pressure on them to be perfect and completely selfless; any attempt at self nurturing and self love is condemned, eliciting accusations of being selfish and narcissistic. Thus, so many women comply, never valuing themselves, never recognizing the princess within them. And not knowing who they really are, they accept what others call them. Don’t you ever think it’s easy to overcome this pressure. Even the most liberated people are adversely affected by the pressure of public opinion. From experience, I can categorically argue that withstanding the opinion of others is at best stressful and at worst debilitating.

So…Many ladies, I believe, are crippled by the masses of people, particularly their close friends who do not allow them the freedom of their own opinions and the exploration of their own personhood. I used to think I don’t care what people think of me, but as I grew older, I discovered to some degree I was still vulnerable to their words and ideas. May be I didn’t just show it but in reality their opinions of me got to the very core of my soul. I just knew how to handle it better I guess. You know we all have the tendency to act like a superman- nothing gets to us. Ha-ha, that’s a joke.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things to achieve is for ladies, men as well, to strip themselves off the many garments society puts on them. Many are the ladies, who believe they are bitches because they smoke, party, drink, have sex with every guy and do openly, what others would prefer to do in the secret.  They accept the bitch label to conform to the masses. But may I present a slightly different message... While doing those things isn’t right, doing them doesn’t make one a bitch. And yes! If a lady keeps seeing or calling herself a bitch, then she should expect others, guys especially, to call her by the she name calls herself-BITCH.

Lastly, if I were to define a bitch, my definition would go something like: A bitch is someone who thinks she’s a bitch. (ooopps!!!!) Please don’t quote me.

 I would like to read your opinion on this subject matter. Please do leave a comment in the comment box below. And you can as well follow me on twitter: @huntlya


Rebranding Minds

Huntly Anabs


Mariah Itodo said...

i love the way you write, really inspiring.

"i wanna be real beautiful"

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